Christmas With Nathan Page 9

  Unbuttoning my blouse, I popped the fastenings on my maternity bra and shifted William up a little, where he instantly locked on and began to feed greedily. Looked like Rebecca had been right.

  Looking across at Rebecca, I watched as she twirled a strand of hair repeatedly around a finger, her eyes still fixed on me as if she had something on her mind. Hmm. That hair-twirling was her nervous twitch, why was she doing it now? Looking at her carefully, I could see her chewing on her lower lip, as if she was torn between the urge to tell me something, but desperately trying to hold it in.

  ‘What is it?’ I asked, still feeling a bit twitchy about Nathan’s absence. ‘Is it Nathan? Is he OK? Do you know where he went?’

  Rebecca shifted on her seat, her eyes flicking between mine and her lap repeatedly. ‘He’s fine, I think. And no, I don’t know where he is. Not exactly.’ After giving me that completely cryptic answer, she sipped her coffee and put the mug down and twisted it on the coaster several times. ‘But I overheard Nathan and Nicholas talking this morning before he went out,’ she began, pausing again to twirl a piece of her hair with a sigh. ‘Nicholas told me I shouldn’t say anything about it to you …’

  My stomach was churning now. What on earth was going on? I didn’t want her to break her word to Nicholas, but if something was wrong then I wanted to know about it, and I wanted to know now. ‘What were they talking about?’

  Luckily, friendship seemed to win out, and with a quick glance at the door to check it was shut, Rebecca leant closer to me and lowered her voice. ‘Nathan was a bit aggravated about something and getting himself really worked up. The stuff I heard didn’t really make much sense …’ She paused, leaving me hanging to the point where I ended up waving my hand impatiently to indicate that she tell me more. ‘Well, he was going on about how he was sick of men ogling you, and that they needed to know you were his. He was ranting about some guy flirting with you yesterday.’ A blush rose on Rebecca’s cheek. ‘I won’t repeat the exact words he used, because they were, uhhh, quite … heated, and he certainly wasn’t happy.’

  I took it that by ‘heated’ she meant that Nathan had been swearing like a trooper, which sounded about right for my man, because he certainly had a filthy vocabulary stored away for when he chose to use it. ‘I covered Will’s ears,’ she added with a wry smile that had me joining in and glancing down at my boy again.

  Nathan had obviously been talking about the son of the cottage owner who had given me the keys. He had been a bit flirtatious, I suppose, but after Nathan had so blatantly laid claim to me, I hadn’t even given it a second thought. It seemed from Becky’s words that it was still playing on Nathan’s mind though, which was interesting. He’d always been quite possessive of me, but his jealously had seemed to level out a bit since Will had been born. Or at least I thought it had.

  ‘The guy who let us into the cottage was a bit flirty, but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,’ I murmured.

  Rebecca nodded, looking suddenly curious. ‘He also said some other stuff that I didn’t really understand, like, uhhh … well, he said a collar wasn’t a public enough statement, and that guys still thought you were single when you aren’t.’

  My eyebrows rose in surprise. Wow. I’d never thought that Nathan would feel so vulnerable about our relationship status. He must know that even on the rare occasions that someone flirted with me that I would never, ever cheat on him. Seeing Rebecca’s continued curiosity I also wondered how to deal with her mention of my collar. Becky and I were close, best friends, really, and she knew about the type of relationship Nathan and I shared, but she didn’t know the significance of my necklace. I instinctively knew she wouldn’t like the idea of the collar, so instead of trying to explain how very important it was to Nathan and I, I avoided discussing it and tried to shrug it off.

  ‘Well, that doesn’t make any sense,’ I murmured, knowing my cheeks were already flushing guiltily at my lie.

  Rebecca sat forward on her seat and licked her lips, and for a horrible second as her eyes sought mine I thought she was going to push me on the topic of the collar, but then she surprised me by completely changing the subject. ‘Have you and Nathan ever discussed getting married?’

  I nearly laughed out loud. Yes we had, but Nathan was not a fan of marriage, and that was a huge understatement. Holy wedlock was not something Nathan and I would ever be experiencing, and that was fine by me. I had his collar to show our commitment and that was more than enough.

  ‘No,’ I said with a shake of my head as I gently helped Will across to my other breast. ‘Well, we have discussed it, but after growing up with their parents’ dodgy marriage as an example it’s not something Nathan wants.’

  ‘You sure about that?’ she murmured, cocking her head inquisitively.

  ‘Yep,’ I replied definitively, gently stroking the soft hair on William’s head and smiling.

  ‘Hmmm.’ Rebecca’s odd reply had me lifting my head up as I looked at her again and saw her eyes flashing with barely supressed excitement. ‘It’s just that, well … I heard him asking Nicholas what ring size I wore … and then Nathan said he thought that my hands must be about the same size as yours …’

  If I hadn’t been nursing Will at that particular moment, I may very well have jumped up from my seat in shock. As it was, I remained seated, my hands marginally tightening around William as I tried to take in her words. Nathan was enquiring about ring sizes? Why? I knew he hated the idea of marriage, hated it. It was one of the reasons I wore his collar around my neck.

  Besides, I wasn’t sure I wanted to marry him. It went against everything that Nathan believed in, so the only reason he could possibly be considering proposing would be because he thought I wanted it, and I didn’t want him to feel forced into anything. That would just put pressure on our relationship, and as far as I was concerned, things between us were pretty perfect as they were.

  ‘It might not be anything …’ Rebecca said hesitantly, ‘but it just sounded a bit weird,’ she finished, giving me an awkward shrug.

  I chewed on my lower lip, knowing that Nathan would hate me doing it, but I was not able to control myself when my nerves were this raised. Gosh, this certainly wasn’t how I had expected the first day of my holiday to start.

  ‘I’m sure you must have misheard, Becs,’ I mumbled as Will finished his feed and started to get agitated. I shuffled him around while sorting out my clothes to make myself decent again.

  Lifting him onto my shoulder, I stood up and began rubbing his back to help ease his wind as I saw Rebecca give a sceptical look, which she quickly cleared from her face and replaced with a reassuring smile. ‘Yeah, you’re right, I probably did. Serves me right for eavesdropping, I suppose,’ she joked limply before we both noticeably tensed at the sound of car tyres on the gravel track beside the cottages.

  Turning to look out of the window, I saw our car pulling up and Nathan’s blond head appearing out of the driver’s door with an inscrutable look on his face. Hmm. He didn’t look angry, more contemplative, but one thing was for sure – his taut lips and creased brow certainly didn’t seem to indicate that a romantic proposal was coming my way.

  ‘I guess we’ll find out soon enough,’ Rebecca murmured supportively as she came to stand beside me at the window.

  Obviously hearing his brother’s return, Nicholas came down the stairs, calling through to check that I was covered up again before opening the front door for Nathan and coming in to join us in the lounge.

  A second later, Nathan walked into the room and it was immediately obvious to me that he was wound up about something because his shoulders were tense and his eyes were flashing around restlessly.

  I watched in amusement as he turned to Rebecca and fixed her with a firm stare that actually had her eyes widening as she stepped backwards nervously – she liked Nathan, but he still made her a little nervous when he blasted his intensity at its maximum levels. ‘I just wanted to speak to Stella for a few minutes, would you mind w
atching Will again please?’

  Nodding at him, Rebecca sidestepped his big, tense frame, letting out a visible breath of relief as she passed him and came to my side, holding out her arms for William. ‘I don’t need an excuse to spend a bit more time with my number one nephew,’ she said softly, her eyes sending me a supportive look that I suspected was supposed to put my mind at ease. Unfortunately, it didn’t really work; Nathan was plainly really worked up about something, which in turn was stressing me out, and as a result my stomach began to tumble violently as I handed Will over, grabbed my coat, and followed him as he turned to stride outside.

  He walked us toward the boundary of the farm where there was a small cluster of trees and a wood shed. Leaning on the wooden fence, he stared out over the beautiful scenery, but I suspected his positioning was just a way of avoiding my gaze for a few minutes. Hmm.

  When we had first met, Nathan had actively avoided eye contact with me. It had been a habit left over from his overbearing father, but after we’d grown close, Nathan had begun to seek out my gaze for reassurance. He hadn’t actively avoided eye contact for ages, so his sudden reluctance to look at me was distinctly unnerving. Blowing out a breath, I tried to settle my tumbling emotions. I knew the scenery was beautiful, but my mind was in overdrive and far too concerned by his behaviour to pause and enjoy it at the moment.

  ‘Everything OK?’

  Instead of answering, his gaze narrowed before he drew in a long breath through his nose and released it through his teeth so it made a strange whistling noise. ‘You’re going out with the world’s biggest fucking walking contradiction, did you know that?’ he murmured, his eyes still focused on the hills in the distance as his brows lowered into a frown.

  That wasn’t a statement I had ever expected to hear, and truthfully, I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond, so I didn’t immediately, instead moving closer to his side and resting my head on his shoulder. ‘You are exactly how I want you,’ I murmured, hoping the truth in my words was apparent in my tone.

  Finally turning toward me, he leant his hip on the fence and looked at me directly, his blond brows still furrowed and his hair going wild in the light breeze so the strands stood up all over the place as if he’d been electrified. ‘I really enjoyed last night, Stella. Really fucking enjoyed it,’ he confessed, his words causing my eyebrows to rise at his apparent change in conversation. God, his statements were jumping around all over the place, making this conversation really difficult to keep up with.

  ‘Me too,’ I agreed with a small smile as my cheeks flushed slightly.

  Dropping his gaze to mine I saw his lips thin as a scowl darkened his brows. ‘But then I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about that fucking dick flirting with you. I barely got any sleep.’

  My eyes widened, surprised that he would let such a small interaction affect him to this extent. ‘It was nothing, Nathan, he must have thought I was single, but as soon as he realised I wasn’t he backed off.’

  In response to my attempt at soothing words Nathan merely grunted, looking and sounding mightily unimpressed as if he was lost in his own thoughts.

  ‘He was still trying his luck and it thoroughly pissed me off.’ Letting out a long sigh, he ran a hand through his hair and then gazed across at me. ‘You are mine,’ he quantified gruffly, his expression one of pure torture as he tried, and failed, to smooth his wayward hair.

  ‘I told you I was against marriage, which I am, so we got you the collar.’ He stated the facts unnecessarily, his glazed expression turning back to mine and his eyes wide and wild. ‘But I fucking hate the idea that other men see your ring finger empty and think you’re available.’

  He was acting like I got propositioned on a regular basis, which couldn’t be further from the truth, but clearly this was bugging him, so I took hold of his hand and gave a firm, reassuring squeeze to try and calm my panicked man. ‘It doesn’t matter if I’m wearing a ring or not, Nathan. If a man tried anything on with me I would just tell them I’m taken, simple as that.’

  My words apparently fell on deaf ears, because he pulled his hand from my grasp, shoved them into his pockets, and dropped his head down so his chin was resting on his chest. ‘But what if someone catches your eye? Someone better? Someone more worthy of you?’ he whispered, his words so quiet that I barely heard them above the breeze.

  More worthy of me? Jesus. He’d been thinking about this just because the kid yesterday had mildly flirted with me?

  I was so thrown by this sudden show of vulnerability that I hardly knew how to respond. This was so unlike him. Not to mention completely irrelevant, because he was all I’d ever wanted – there would never be someone more perfect for me than Nathan. He looked frantic, his body continually moving in fidgety jerks and his eyes darting between mine and the floor almost obsessively. I’d seen this look before from Nathan on the day Will was born, and I quickly realised that he was working himself towards a panic attack. He needed a calming countdown, and he needed one now.

  ‘Nathan, that would never happen. You’re worrying for nothing.’ I couldn’t take his hands because they were forced into his trouser pockets, but I laid my palms on his chest instead. ‘Let’s do a countdown, hmm?’ I didn’t count out loud for him, that would probably not go down very well with my fiercely independent man, but instead I led the way by breathing in and out loudly, deeply, and slowly. It took a few seconds, but gradually I felt Nathan relaxing under my palms as he joined in with me.

  Once he seemed to have settled again, I licked my lips and imparted my final statement. ‘You are it for me. You, Nathan. Just how you are,’ I told him adamantly.

  Marginally standing away from me, Nathan drew his hands up and draped them over my shoulders, linking them behind my neck and playing with the hair at my nape for several seconds before nodding. Pulling in a long breath, he dropped his arms to his sides and dug into his pocket to remove a small box. It was a simple enough action, but it made my pulse suddenly beat frantically in my chest.

  ‘I was hoping you might say that,’ he murmured. Lifting a hand, he cupped my face and I felt a very uncharacteristic tremble in his fingers. Blimey, he really was worked up, but then again, so was I. This was a really frigging weird situation, so I think a touch of nerves were allowed. ‘It’s certainly the case for me too, Stella.’ Giving me an edgy look, Nathan swallowed loudly, looking hesitant and perhaps even a little embarrassed. ‘I … I never thought I’d find someone to spend my life with, but I have. You are everything I could have ever wished for.’ His eyes dropped to the box and then raised to mine again causing my stomach to plummet.

  Oh, God. This sounded a lot like it might be ramping up towards a proposal. Had Rebecca been right? Because if that box contained one of those rings, then I really wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it. My stomach was churning. I wasn’t convinced that marriage was the way to go for us, but if he asked me, how could I explain that without it sounding like a snub?

  ‘Before you get too excited, this isn’t an engagement ring. I’m still a freak where marriage is concerned.’ I think all the air in my lungs left in one relieved breath. Thank God for that. ‘But I got this for you this morning and I was hoping you might like to wear it for me.’ I was almost dizzy with relief as I tried to focus on what he was saying. My relief wasn’t a reflection of my commitment to him, because I was one hundred per cent devoted to Nathan, I just didn’t think that a wedding certificate was needed between us to prove it.

  Clicking open the box, Nathan held it out to me and my eyes fell to the small velvet pillow that contained a beautiful platinum ring, a small cluster of pale blue stones in the centre that perfectly matched those in my collar.

  ‘It’s a promise ring,’ he murmured as my breath caught in my throat at the stunning piece of jewellery. Before I could formulate any response, Nathan was speaking again. ‘I thought it was appropriate, because even though I might not be the easiest man to live with, I love you, Stella, and I promise you m
y heart, my love, and my support for as long as we both live.’

  Once again Nathan had thrown me with his sudden emotional declarations. This was some serious stuff for him. Considering he was a relatively withdrawn man where it came to emotions, he could completely floor me when he had his occasional moments like this.

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ I whispered, one hand raising and gently touching the ring.

  As he removed the ring from the box, I was expecting Nathan to put it on my finger for me, but instead he held it out to me. ‘I … uh … I had an inscription done for you on the inside,’ he told me, his tone low and almost embarrassed by his confession. ‘Had to bribe the guy into inscribing it for me on the spot, that’s why I’m a little late.’ That didn’t surprise me at all. In fact, I bet Nathan probably “bribed” the guy with a threatening look, not money.

  Holding the ring up into the daylight, I turned it so I could read the small, delicate font that ran around the inside of the band.

  I am eternally yours. N x

  A short, simple dedication, but the heartfelt meaning behind those few small words was just so clear to me, especially given his history as a Dom. He could easily have had ‘Property of Nathan’ or something similar engraved, but no, he had chosen to express his commitment to me instead, no doubt because he knew it would mean so much to me.

  This was all so completely unexpected that I could feel a full-on sobbing post-baby breakdown looming on the horizon.

  ‘So, what do you say? Would you like to wear it?’ he asked, his voice decidedly uncertain, which almost made me laugh. I mean, who wouldn’t like to wear it? It was bloody gorgeous.

  As I struggled to fight back the tears threatening to spill from my eyes, words seemed temporarily beyond me, so I nodded my head frantically as I tried to control the wobble in my lower lip.